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retirement speech joke

Online retirement speech joke resources and information

It would be great if we could all retire with a nice portfolio of savings and pension income, without having to worry about paying the bills most retired people pay.

Yet...many retirees are living out their retirement on the breadline without much hope for even going on holiday without being assisted by relatives or even handouts. Don't let yourself be one of them...it's never too late!



Title : One World, Ready or Not
Author : Wil Greider
Rating : 3 Stars out of 5.
Summary : Take two aspirins, don't call me in the morning


A man goes to his dermatologist to have an ugly mole removed from his neck. He returns one week later to have his stitch removed.

"The good news is, you won't have any scar," the doctor says. "The bad news is, you'll be dead in six months."

Though many people criticize Mr. Greider's conclusions, few -- even eminent scholars -- can say why. They admit most of his facts are correct (damning with faint praise) without saying which facts are wrong. They provide simplistic parables about the economics of hot dogs and buns without benefit either of logic or evidence. In short, most of Mr Greider's "critics" seem more culpable than Greider of the crimes against intellectual integrity of which they accuse him.

Let's simply stipulate that Mr. Greider is like Ralph Nader, a Cassandra. Let's stipulate further that he is histrionic even paranoic. Let's simply rest with "the facts".

What we have left is the picture of a global economy in ICU, surrounded (a) by technicians who are not monitoring high performance, but failing vital signs; (b) by FedEx boxes for shipping body parts.

Had the world not already experienced an economic death but 70 years ago, we might dismiss Greider's prognosis.

So, his facts are worrisome; but, not as troubling as his prescriptions. He doesn't think it inevitable that the patient has to die because the "government" can somehow "keep it going" with a different IV solution, tracts to bolster the spirits of the patient's next of kin, and specific instructions to other governmental and cultural caretakers.

He doesn't satisfy me that he understands that we are not simply in another industrial revolution, but a post-industrial evolution. Yes, the whole world is changing, as it has several time before in the last 100,000 years -- but what comes from that process will be far better -- and simpler -- than what is now becoming ruins.

So, Mr. Greider gets full credit for research, and no credit for insight. Therefore, a 5.

--John Grassi



Title : Rich Dad's Retire Young, Retire Rich: How to Get Rich and Stay Rich Forever! (Rich Dad's Advisors Series)
Author : Robert T. Kiyosaki
Rating : 1 Stars out of 5.
Summary : Perpetual Motion Machine

The search for easy wealth is akin to the search for the "perpetual motion machine". It doesn't exist and this book also fails to deliver. Much of the advice deals with the USA only and the tax advice does not apply to the UK. Anyway if everyone took up the advice and reduced their payment of taxes governments would collapse; but then they wouldn't - the tax goal posts would be moved. I was unimpressed by the advice which could have been written on three pages, the rest being a repetitious mantra of this imaginary "rich dad" anecdotes.
My advice on the first step to being wealthy is save your money and do not buy this book



Title : Mrs. Ted Bliss
Author : Stanley Elkin
Rating : 5 Stars out of 5.
Summary : Once Again, a Masterpiece by Elkin

One of the most distinct voices in (Jewish) American literature, Stanley Elkin, has done it again with Mrs. Ted Bliss. From the title to the final chapter, the reader is forced to examine his/her preceonceptions about age, retirement, sex and social roles, and other stereotypes. Mrs. Ted Bliss, a retired widow with no skills, gets caught in a web of intrigue that leads to the downfall of a drug lord when she sells her car. Mrs. Ted Bliss, however, is no Mrs. Pollifax, ready to karate-chop her way out of danger. Give it a read if you want to laugh out loud.



Title : 7 Ways to Beat the Pension Crisis
Author : Anthony Vice
Rating : 4 Stars out of 5.
Summary : useful advice

a useful little book that gives an up to date account of the current state of play in the pensions market and how to prepare for a more comfortable future - it's well laid out and easy to follow but there is still an assumption that the reader is not a complete novice when it comes to pensions - could have done with a glossary - the book contains some valuable ideas showing that the traditional weekly or monthly payments into an organised pension scheme is not the only way and that there are other ways of preparing for retirement, even if you have left it a bit late in your working life to plan and save



Title : The Joy of Not Working: A Book for the Retired, Unemployed, and Overworked
Author : Ernie J. Zelinski
Rating : 3 Stars out of 5.
Summary : Average at best

There are a lot of great books that deal with creativity. This is not one of them. Average, at best, it might fit the bill is someone was looking for a superfluous treatment of creativity.



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